About Me

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I'm just a 28 year old woman that married the man of my answered prayers on July 18, 2009. We have our sweet Ella that was born in September of 2010 and our precious Charlotte that was born in February of 2012! On March 24, 2013, our first son was born, Josiah Warner. After a complicated pregnancy, he was born very prematurely and lived less than an hour before going to be with Jesus. Through life's ups and downs, I'm trying to figure out how to follow Jesus. I mean, really follow Jesus. The kind of following where things start to change. It's time to put action to the passion

Saturday, January 16, 2010

It's Time To Love...

As Sanctity of Life Sunday (us Christians like to make names for everything, basically a day set apart to remember the lives that have been lost to abortion) draws nearer, I have been a little more reflective this year. There are so many precious, beautiful, and hurting women out there that have lost a baby (or babies) to abortion.

I cannot even begin to imagine the hurt and pain that comes after having an abortion. I know how hard the last few months have been on John and I, and we didn't choose to lose our baby. No matter how tough the exterior of a woman that has been through an abortion, there is an emotional hurt that I am sure has no comparison to anything else. I have experienced the hurt with someone extremely close to me. And, it has taken her a very long time to come to a place of healing from her decision. But, she has also come to realize how gracious our wonderful Savior is that she will get to see her baby one day! Maybe my baby and her baby are hanging out right now :o)

I have always been extremely upset at how some "churches" or some "ministries" choose to approach the topic of abortion. And, you know what? The truth is, I am just flat out tired of it. I am tired of just sitting by and crying or screaming to myself at how some people choose to approach those in need of Jesus. And, I know I have several readers of this blog that are not Christians. Let me be the first to say, I am so very sorry at how we behave day in and day out. But, let me encourage you not to look at us morons and I can help you seek out the grace, mercy, compassion, pursuance, and love found in Jesus Christ.

Now for us Christians...I don't know when it became okay for us to treat those that have sinned as less than us, but can I be the one to help remind all of us what we are? We are measly, "righteousness worth as filthy rags", SINNERS. And, I dunno about you, but the last thing on my mind before I was a Christian, was whether or not I was pleasing God. If I was getting an abortion, the last thing that would make me stop is hearing about how much "God despises this and that". If I was already headed down that path, I would already be in the position where I think a risky surgery is the answer instead of any other options, so why would I be inclined to hear that now God's gonna hate me, too? Have we forgotten that darkness doesn't want to walk in the light? So, why would someone that's not a Christian, feel the urge to do what's right?

The only thing I know is that Jesus saved me. I don't fully know why, but He did. And, I know that His heart breaks for every innocent baby that stops growing in the womb (including my baby that I miss so much and for every precious aborted baby). And, I know that according to the love that Jesus has shown me, I want to show some of that love to any woman that has an aborted baby. Praise God that we live in the NEW Testament now, not the Old.

And, even if we lived in the Old Testament (which I am in right now, thanks to my Bible reading plan for 90 days), it is still so obvious how God pursues those that are lost and in sin. I mean, let's just look at the Israelites for example, time and time again they complained against the Lord even though He just got done rescuing them out of slavery. And, what does the Lord do? Sure, His anger starts to build, but He also continues to pursue them with love and blessing.

All I ask, is that we really try to remember what God's love is like on this Sanctity of Life Sunday. Remember how either myself or you could only be a few decisions away from an abortion. Would you want Christians to turn their back on you with hatred yet declaring it's what God would want them to do? I am SO happy that Jesus never turned His back on me or on you.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Doing Everything Right...

For those that know me, I am an insane rule-follower. I am a task-oriented person, a total overachiever, and I hate for anyone to think I have failed at something. With all of that, it is very easy for me to slip into legalism with faith. But, with the help of my freedom loving husband, I have stretched out of my legalism a lot more over the last year and a half.

I've always been one to exclaim to people looking for advice about what to do in a possible sinful situation, that plainly put, God loves obedience. And, when you don't want to be obedient, you just do it anyways. Pray for your heart and attitude to align with your actions and God always seems to bless it.

But, then comes the issue of suffering.

I can easily say without hesitation or questioning of myself (which I tend to do a lot, thanks to my overachiever-ness) that I have walked more dark valleys than I have sung from the mountaintops. I could list everything out and make you feel bad for me, but that's pathetic and not the point I want to focus on. But, I would like to say, with God's help, for the most part, I clung to the Lord in the nasty times and have remained obedient. Even when, time after time, the suffering that I have found myself in has been nothing that I could even remotely control. And, believe me, I have majorly screwed up before, but I'm talking in general here. And, I'm not talking about the kind of suffering that's because of a consequence to my own sin. It's interesting how quickly people will proclaim their life as hard, but really it's just different consequences to different sins they have found themselves in. I am not saying consequences are easy, they stink, BAD. But, they are also expected and simply make sense for a just and fair God.

The kind of suffering I am talking about now, is the kind where you've "done everything right" (quotations because, of course we are imperfect and will absolutely never do everything right), but things still go south. The kind of suffering that makes absolutely no sense when written on paper. The kind where there just isn't a dang reason for it, yet, just like Job's friends in the Bible, everyone tries to come up with an excuse for why it has happened..."well, God must be trying to teach them this..." "well, they must have committed this sin..." "well....well....well...."

There are some days, over the last three months, where I have been overwhelmingly honored that the Lord would allow me to endure this trial. He has deemed John and I worthy and able to handle this terrible amount of heartache. He knew how we'd react. He knew I would cry and cry and cry for months. But, yet, He knew that some how, some way, we could make it through this and that He would receive glory out of this. Oh, how on these days, I pray that the Lord would always count me worthy of suffering to bring more fame to His name!

But, then I have days, like yesterday, where I cry to my husband how, "It just isn't fair!". I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have whispered, uttered, moaned, cried, and flat out screamed that over the last 3 months. Then, I say things like, "My whole life, whenever things messed up around me, I still gave glory to God. I never ran from Him, even when it felt like He didn't like me because of all the bad things happening. I did things right, the way you were supposed to, and here we are. This just isn't fair!! I don't know that I can keep 'doing everything right'; this wasn't supposed to happen." And, yesterday, as I tried to fall asleep for a nap, I was quiet. I was still. And, the Lord spoke to me...

(no, not audibly...maybe more on that later)

"Jesus did everything right. And, what happened to Him, just wasn't fair. But, He walked through it anyways. And, because of it, the world has never been the same. YOU have never been the same"

There was such a comfort at that. He really did. He did it all right. And, you know what? What happened, just wasn't stinkin' fair. But, there was more glory to God than ever given before.

Thank you, Father, for considering me worthy over and over again to bring glory to You.

"...that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death" Phil. 3:10

"Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name. And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ." Acts 5:41, 42