Here I am! I've been wanting to write a blog this week and frankly just haven't had the time. And, each time I've tried to process what I might want to write, my head has spun. Right now the house is quiet as everyone is asleep. So, looks like it's as good a time as any, even if I have no clue what I'm going to write!
Sweet baby boy Josiah Warner was born on Palm Sunday, March 24, 2013, at 4:35pm. He was 8.6oz and 9.25in long. He was beautiful and we kept talking about how much he looked like his sisters! He lived for just under an hour and passed away in our arms.
I never thought I would be holding one of my children as they go to meet Jesus, but it was surprisingly peaceful. Just before he was born, we asked Jesus to come and our room was filled with the Lord's presence. As many of you know, baby Warner's name was originally supposed to be John Warner after his daddy. Right before he was born and we knew he was definitely on his way, we decided to change it to Josiah because it means "The Lord Saves". And, He had.
Several people have told us that they're sorry for our loss, have shed tears for us, prayed for us, and have said how strong we are for trusting Jesus despite the fact that He didn't heal me or Josiah Warner. But, I feel like we are doing a disservice to God's goodness to not explain what we've known to be true from the second he was born.
God's healing came on Palm Sunday afternoon. It came in a much bigger and extravagant way than a mere human could try to fit into words. Josiah Warner had a life that, in ways, I'm jealous over. He was born alive and as healthy as can be for 19 weeks gestation. He got to hear his parents voices on the outside, he got to feel our warm snuggles, he felt our tender kisses on his face, he heard us pray Scripture over him as he left a world of such turmoil and entered into a paradise we cannot fathom yet. He only experienced our loving embrace before seeing Jesus in His fullness and I believe telling him that he'd done a good job, His faithful servant.
How can I stand here and not testify to the miracle that Jesus gave us? Is the sorrow deeper and more painful than I've ever known before? Absolutely. But, I can't help but bow to a God that is infinitely higher than my thinking. He can handle my tears, my sadness, my empty womb.
Josiah Warner's life has already made an impact on this dark world. How can I not be thankful to be his mommy and for God's miracle? I'm smack dab in the middle of a massive work God is doing. And, while I have my moments of wishing I get to live out my days with a healthy son on earth rather than this road to walk, He has been nothing but faithful. Jesus asked for His cup to be removed and it wasn't. I've prayed to "become like Him in His sufferings" over the past few years. My cup wasn't removed either. Now I'm living in the hope that only God can bring. And, what a glorious hope it is!
About Me
- Jennifer
- I'm just a 28 year old woman that married the man of my answered prayers on July 18, 2009. We have our sweet Ella that was born in September of 2010 and our precious Charlotte that was born in February of 2012! On March 24, 2013, our first son was born, Josiah Warner. After a complicated pregnancy, he was born very prematurely and lived less than an hour before going to be with Jesus. Through life's ups and downs, I'm trying to figure out how to follow Jesus. I mean, really follow Jesus. The kind of following where things start to change. It's time to put action to the passion
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Not My Family!
We are still so grateful for so many of you praying! John asked for folks to pray Psalm 91 last night and it was so beautiful to see how many of you did. We have been claiming it over baby Warner's life and the power of Scripture is an amazing one.
As some of you know, I've had the privilege of going around the world to tell people about Jesus. I've always had such a longing for the whole world to know of the power of Christ. I've been in some very dark places. Places where you can physically feel the weight of evil. The darkness is so thick that you can't help but feel it. I've prayed over demon possessed people and watched as the Lord healed (yes, it does still happen). All of that to say, some of the darkest dark I have ever felt come against me is since John and I started our family.
The enemy attacked our family HARD after Ella was born. Maybe one day I'll go into details, but suffice it to say that John really stood in the gap for our family. And, through the power and grace that the Lord lavished on us, we've been able to stand strong. But, I say that to say, God really gave me a peek into the spiritual warfare that happens over Jesus loving families. I firmly believe that the enemy attacks those families as his number one to defeat. I never would have really understood that until I walked it.
Yesterday afternoon and then into the night, I could really feel the weight of everything that is currently happening. We have sensed from the beginning of all this that the enemy is even prowling over our unborn child because he knows that our family desires to further the Kingdom. But, last night, the dark got thick.
I kept handing all the pieces over to the Lord, the only thing I know to do. I continually prayed that the Holy Spirit would intercede on my behalf because I was too weak (and, that is a plug to memorize Scripture, because when you're too weak, the Holy Spirit will pull down deep).
It's interesting, because in this condition, any rise in my blood pressure can cause us to lose the baby. And, something insane has happened each dadgum day to try and get my blood pressure up! Haha! From toilets exploding out of nowhere to grandmother's passing away to a million other things, I've been able to remain in peace from the Lord. Last night wasn't quite the same story, but God wiped my tears and frustration. He protected sweet baby and gave me the physical rest I needed last night.
And, it's all because of a husband willing to intercede for his wife and his family while everyone is asleep. In the dark of the night, which could accurately describe the feelings, he prayed Scripture, sung praises to our God, and stood in the gap telling the enemy "Not my family!" We are one blessed family and praises to the God who reigns sovereign despite the enemy's threat to steal, kill and destroy!
As some of you know, I've had the privilege of going around the world to tell people about Jesus. I've always had such a longing for the whole world to know of the power of Christ. I've been in some very dark places. Places where you can physically feel the weight of evil. The darkness is so thick that you can't help but feel it. I've prayed over demon possessed people and watched as the Lord healed (yes, it does still happen). All of that to say, some of the darkest dark I have ever felt come against me is since John and I started our family.
The enemy attacked our family HARD after Ella was born. Maybe one day I'll go into details, but suffice it to say that John really stood in the gap for our family. And, through the power and grace that the Lord lavished on us, we've been able to stand strong. But, I say that to say, God really gave me a peek into the spiritual warfare that happens over Jesus loving families. I firmly believe that the enemy attacks those families as his number one to defeat. I never would have really understood that until I walked it.
Yesterday afternoon and then into the night, I could really feel the weight of everything that is currently happening. We have sensed from the beginning of all this that the enemy is even prowling over our unborn child because he knows that our family desires to further the Kingdom. But, last night, the dark got thick.
I kept handing all the pieces over to the Lord, the only thing I know to do. I continually prayed that the Holy Spirit would intercede on my behalf because I was too weak (and, that is a plug to memorize Scripture, because when you're too weak, the Holy Spirit will pull down deep).
It's interesting, because in this condition, any rise in my blood pressure can cause us to lose the baby. And, something insane has happened each dadgum day to try and get my blood pressure up! Haha! From toilets exploding out of nowhere to grandmother's passing away to a million other things, I've been able to remain in peace from the Lord. Last night wasn't quite the same story, but God wiped my tears and frustration. He protected sweet baby and gave me the physical rest I needed last night.
And, it's all because of a husband willing to intercede for his wife and his family while everyone is asleep. In the dark of the night, which could accurately describe the feelings, he prayed Scripture, sung praises to our God, and stood in the gap telling the enemy "Not my family!" We are one blessed family and praises to the God who reigns sovereign despite the enemy's threat to steal, kill and destroy!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Miracles
I am so incredibly humbled and grateful by the outpouring of love we've received this last week and a half. I really can't believe how many people are praying and fervently doing so. Even old friends that I haven't talked to in a long time have reached out to us. We are really so very blessed!
This has been such a crazy week and a half! Each crazy thing that happens, I'm always still a bit stunned when we get to other side of the road block. Then, the next one comes and I'm a little in shock then, too! And, I sincerely don't mean that in a bad way, just a did-that-really-just-happen kind of way. Barring a whole lot nauseous and severe gallbladder attacks, my pregnancies with the girls were fairly uneventful. So, this is all very new territory!
I've told some people here and there about the verses God gave me the day we found out I was pregnant. I was a bit in shock (okay, maybe a lot of shock) and even though we were excited, I literally had my gallbladder removed less than 2 weeks before, and it all seemed like a lot at once. Again, let me reiterate that I was excited, but I've never had such a big surprise in my life, haha!! That morning I prayed that the Lord would give me verses to pray over baby (I have verses for each of our babies that God directed me to in each pregnancy), I figured that praying the verses would help make baby feel more real. God didn't waste much time and immediately gave me Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart"
Wow, did He go before us or what?! After our first big scare at 10 weeks, I went straight to those verses and prayed them a thousand times over. I was calling upon Him and I could trust that He was hearing me. God has been incredibly close as we have prayed and sought Him with all of our heart.
He is teaching me and molding me in a way I hope I don't ever forget. He is showing me that He really, honestly, truly does not harm us. While I've always known the truth that God is for His people and not against them, it's a truth that is taking on flesh for me. He doesn't have an evil plan for us or this baby. No matter what happens all the days of my life, God is good. He is faithful. He hears when we pray.
In January, after listening to John Piper and Francis Chan at Passion, they each talked about walking into suffering with open arms. I prayed that I would do the same. That I wouldn't waste a trial or suffering handed to me to bear to further the cause of Christ. Oh, that I might become like Him sharing in His sufferings! (Phil 3:9-11)
After our first big scare and on our way to the OB, I prayed (completely of the Holy Spirit, because Lord knows I would not have on my own) "Lord, if you ask us to walk the darkest valley, I will do it". I even couldn't believe I prayed it and actually meant it. And, found peace in it! I haven't told anyone my little prayer and I've prayed it on the way to each appointment (including our ER visit).
All I know is that God is good. He's good when He performs the obvious miracles and He's good when by all worldly standards it seems as though He's not around. I'm learning that His grace doesn't just occur when we narrowly missed a bad thing by the work of His hand, but that His grace is in abundance over His believers all. the. time. I'm experiencing His undeniable grace on so many levels. And, thanks in part to so many of you that have prayed! You have been a part of a miracle. And, not just the obvious miracles of our physical lives being spared, but the miracle that is occurring in my faith.
This has been such a crazy week and a half! Each crazy thing that happens, I'm always still a bit stunned when we get to other side of the road block. Then, the next one comes and I'm a little in shock then, too! And, I sincerely don't mean that in a bad way, just a did-that-really-just-happen kind of way. Barring a whole lot nauseous and severe gallbladder attacks, my pregnancies with the girls were fairly uneventful. So, this is all very new territory!
I've told some people here and there about the verses God gave me the day we found out I was pregnant. I was a bit in shock (okay, maybe a lot of shock) and even though we were excited, I literally had my gallbladder removed less than 2 weeks before, and it all seemed like a lot at once. Again, let me reiterate that I was excited, but I've never had such a big surprise in my life, haha!! That morning I prayed that the Lord would give me verses to pray over baby (I have verses for each of our babies that God directed me to in each pregnancy), I figured that praying the verses would help make baby feel more real. God didn't waste much time and immediately gave me Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart"
Wow, did He go before us or what?! After our first big scare at 10 weeks, I went straight to those verses and prayed them a thousand times over. I was calling upon Him and I could trust that He was hearing me. God has been incredibly close as we have prayed and sought Him with all of our heart.
He is teaching me and molding me in a way I hope I don't ever forget. He is showing me that He really, honestly, truly does not harm us. While I've always known the truth that God is for His people and not against them, it's a truth that is taking on flesh for me. He doesn't have an evil plan for us or this baby. No matter what happens all the days of my life, God is good. He is faithful. He hears when we pray.
In January, after listening to John Piper and Francis Chan at Passion, they each talked about walking into suffering with open arms. I prayed that I would do the same. That I wouldn't waste a trial or suffering handed to me to bear to further the cause of Christ. Oh, that I might become like Him sharing in His sufferings! (Phil 3:9-11)
After our first big scare and on our way to the OB, I prayed (completely of the Holy Spirit, because Lord knows I would not have on my own) "Lord, if you ask us to walk the darkest valley, I will do it". I even couldn't believe I prayed it and actually meant it. And, found peace in it! I haven't told anyone my little prayer and I've prayed it on the way to each appointment (including our ER visit).
All I know is that God is good. He's good when He performs the obvious miracles and He's good when by all worldly standards it seems as though He's not around. I'm learning that His grace doesn't just occur when we narrowly missed a bad thing by the work of His hand, but that His grace is in abundance over His believers all. the. time. I'm experiencing His undeniable grace on so many levels. And, thanks in part to so many of you that have prayed! You have been a part of a miracle. And, not just the obvious miracles of our physical lives being spared, but the miracle that is occurring in my faith.
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