Lent to the Lord

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord." 

-1 Samuel 1:27, 28b

The above verse is one that I prayed and prayed before becoming pregnant with Ella. I prayed that if the Lord would grant my petition asking for a child, that I would do as Hannah and give my child to the Lord. Then, after finding out I was pregnant and the anxiety of the entire pregnancy, I pleaded these verses.

And, now she's here. She's strong-willed like her mother. Yet, loving like her daddy. And, y'all she is the most beautiful baby I have ever laid eyes on. Sometimes, I just stare at her and wonder how in the world a baby so pretty came to be mine. Her laugh is ridiculously contagious. As soon as she starts, I can't stop, which in turn, makes her laugh harder. I couldn't ask for a greater blessing than Ella.

But, then comes the pesky second part of that Scripture. The whole, giving her over completely to the Lord. That seemed much easier when I prayed it before she actually got here. I know all of the spiritual answers and agree with them, but that doesn't make it any less difficult.

If you want to know the truth, a little window into the last 8 months, my struggle with the Lord has not been an easy one in this area. I know what it's like to hand your baby over to the Lord and then things end in the way you never expected. I also know that doesn't hold a candle to the pain of parents that, for whatever reason, the Lord called their child home far sooner than they ever planned. 

And, here I am, clinging to my baby scared that the Lord may not know what's best. What if I miss a step when going up or down the stairs with Ella and something bad happens? What if I lay her down for her nap and she doesn't wake up? What if she chokes while eating? What if I'm driving on the highway and something starts to happen in the backseat and I can't get to her in time? What if...?

Unfortunately, I can give you lots of different stories from my life where I trusted the Lord and things didn't turn out how I planned for them. And, some days I truly struggle in handing over my baby to the Lord. Does He really know best? Do I really, truly believe that God is good?

Tonight, I cried my eyes out to John and explained how sometimes I feel that I am just waiting for something to go bad with Ella. We discussed a lot of it and traced back the roots of the fears. Half of it being the loss of our sweet first baby. But, after we talked some, we decided to sneak into Ella's room to watch her sleep (one of my favorite things!).

Well, she heard us (oops!) and awoke, crying. I picked her up and held her close. She instantly fell back asleep. Then, as I was swaying her, I looked up and noticed the above verse that is painted above her crib. I instantly got teary and felt the Lord whisper, "When are you really going to lend her to me?"

Wow.

Don't get me wrong, the Lord gave mother's an instinct to protect their children. It's amazing how He crafts that within a woman that has a baby. It's okay to be careful and to protect my little one. But, there is also the point where if it's done out of fear and worry, that is in no way trusting the Lord with my baby.

I am learning what it means to hand over my baby. 

Every. Single. Stinkin'. Day. 

I am ridiculously, unbelievably, immeasurably, beyond blessed to be given the gift of Ella. And, I will spend the rest of my life handing her over to the Lord and praising Him for letting me care for His creation in her!

Adventures at the Zoo

The zoo is one of those places that I hear about and immediately connect with children. I've only been to a zoo once before taking Ella this past weekend and it was when I was a nanny during the summertime. Therefore, I was really excited to take Little Miss to the Zoo Atlanta! She was excited, too and put on her party pants (aka, her ruffly shorts which I didn't take a picture of, because I am a terrible mother, but I digress).

We are bit of Disney snobs, so we weren't holding high expectations for the zoo after being to Animal Kingdom about 500 times. But, this zoo was so nice! It was really big and we didn't even see everything in this visit! We are definitely planning to make this a regular hot spot for the Phillips crew. We got to see lots of things, like a baby panda, a baby gorilla, elephants, tigers, giraffes, etc, etc.

We also came home with lots of funny stories. So, the first one? I'll start with this picture...

So, right before this picture was taken, I was telling John how we needed to get a picture of the three of us since my mom was with us to take it. Then, soon after I exclaimed how we need more pictures, I spot this lovely gorilla statue. The best part was that no one even cared about it. No line, no crowd, nada. Perfect.

Well, not so much. The second we get ourselves situated, which, included me trying to balance Ella on the gorilla's leg, John trying to help, me exclaiming in an irritated tone that he "doesn't understand what I'm trying to do" (aka, I thought it was the coolest idea ever to get her positioned on there and I was too tired and blazing hot/sweaty to think rationally about how I was reacting to his help when he didn't know "my plan"), 10 million people form a line to get a picture with the gorilla statue.

Immediately, some child ran up to the gorilla to touch it (you think it's the kid in the above picture? you'd be wrong). The parents quickly yelled at the child that we were "trying to take a picture", which let's face it, I'm still trying to dangle my child off of the gorilla leg and my husband is getting snapped at because he just doesn't understand my artistic expression. But, yeah, we're trying to take a picture, kid. The perfect picture (in my brain anyways).

So, that kid instantly obeys and returns to the line. Then, out of my peripheral, comes the kid you see in the above picture. Does this child get reprimanded like the previous child of literally two seconds before? Nope. His dad immediately drops down to one knee, with his khaki cargo shorts on, and starts snapping 80 pictures a second of precious little Jimmy playing with the gorilla statue. Nevermind the family of 3 in the background trying to get the perfect picture of their little girl's first trip to the zoo.

Here's my favorite picture of the day:

Don't be fooled, precious little Jimmy is still playing with the gorilla, my mom just cropped him out of the shot. His dad has already made the complete half-circle around the gorilla snapping photos of his playdate with the statue. He also made sure to get 2,400 pictures in 30 seconds while getting down on one knee, back up on his feet, back down on both knees...every angle was going to be shot. Regardless of the family of three looking for the perfect picture.

As you can see, John is angry, Ella is staring at statue (thankfully, oblivious), and I am clearly mid-sentence. But, what am I saying, you ask? Promise not to think I am as terrible as I feel? I yelled, staring straight at the mother in this scenario, but I was really "talking to John". You know how that move goes? Yeah, well, I yell, "C'mon! Let's get out of here! If these people are that rude to not wait their turn, I don't want the picture!". As soon as we walked away, we started laughing. It was like a, "wait, did all of that just happen in 3 minutes or less?" moment.

So, there it is, the Phillips' family in all of their glory. I think I am going to go pray for that family right now, to try and counteract my yells at them...

iPad 2 Contest!

Hey everyone! Can you do me a BIG favor?
So, John has entered into a contest to win an iPad 2. It's legit and I know he would be over the moon if he won. Can you be the most perfect blog follower in the whole wide world and spare 60 seconds of your time to vote for him? Pretty please?

Can you deny this face?

I didn't think so ;o)

Therefore, just click on over to Elexio's Facebook page and first "Like" Elexio and then find "John Phillips" post (it's a video and Elexio said they love his beard, haha) and then just "Like" John's post.

Thank you times a million!!

A Shelf and Some Clothespins

I never, ever expected in my whole life that a few items on a shelf and a package of clothespins would bring me to tears. I was always the girl that never cried at the sappy movies or at anything sentimental (still am, but babies can bring a woman to a few more tearful moments than usual). But, over the last week, the Lord has brought some tender moments that I hadn't really prepared for myself.

Little Miss started solids last week and the first couple of days were horrendous. To put it lightly, Ella abhors anything new. When we first got her an infant swing, she cried and screamed and cried some more. But, within a few weeks, it was one of the only things that could get her to calm down. This process has been repeated several times with several different things. I don't know why she hates change and new things so much. I mean, I don't know anyone (named Jennifer, perhaps) that hates change. I guess it will always be a mystery. Anyways...

After day three of screams, I was ready to throw in the towel. But, guess who showed up on day four? Miss McSmiley Pants! She was giggling and eating solids like a champ! Couldn't get enough of it! I was beyond thrilled. But, at the same time, there were intermittent moments where I had to hold back tears. To start solids, we've been sititng Ella in her Bumbo on top of the dining room table rather than in her highchair (it's just easier for now). And, on the wall by our dining room table, we have two shelves. One shelf contains some trinkets and photos, while the other contains some memories of our first baby. Remember this post? We do still have the shelf up and I love it. I love that our first baby has a place in our home. I love that I can look up at on that shelf and remember that the Lord has blessed us with two children, not just one.

And, just last week, Ella discovered the shelf. We showed her once before and she stared at it for a while, but this was the first time she found it on her own. She would stare at the shelf, get one more bite of food, then stare at the shelf. This process continued until she was done eating. And, ever since that day, most times when I feed her, she looks over at the shelf. Just seeing her stare at the ultrasound picture of her older brother or sister, was one of the most amazing moments for me since we've had Ella.

Then, yesterday, I did our diaper laundry (have I mentioned we are doing cloth diapers full-time now? So far, we've loved it! Another post on that later). To save on some electricity and to help naturally bleach out the diapers, I hung up our clothesline. I have never used a clothesline before, but thought the diapers would be a good reason to start. I set up the line and knew that I had brand new clothespins somewhere. The only thing I could remember is that I bought some one time for some type of craft. I dug through all of my craft supplies and couldn't find it.

Then, to the laundry room. Nope, not there.

Then, to our junk drawer. Nada.

To the cabinet with the tools? Nope.

The garage? Not there, either!

Then, it hits me. I remember what I used them for now....

to surprise John that I was pregnant with our first baby. I used them to hang up baby clothes as a decoration.

I stopped in my tracks. Then, I thought how cool it would be to use something of the first baby's for his or her younger sister. I went upstairs to the guest room closet where the bag full of stuff from the first baby lives. I pulled it out and there it was. The ribbon I used for the decoration still had the clothespins attached and the package of unused clothespins were in the bag, too. I took the unused ones out and went to my clothesline.

As I hung up each diaper, I remembered our first child. It's amazing how a little baby that never even entered the world alive, can have marks all over my home and in my heart. I was reminded, once again, that God does not create living things without a purpose. That baby had a purpose and I feel like month by month I get another glimpse of it.

My sweet Ella has a purpose in this life, too. My job as her mom is to help her unravel it and to prepare her to fulfill what God has for her life. And, may I keep letting the shelves and the clothespins in my life remind me of the continuing work that is to be done in my sweet, second baby.

Circles

So, Ella has been going in circles lately. No, really. In circles.

Ella sleeps in a "blanket sleeper" over her PJ's because it can get pretty chilly in her room. See her pacifier? Yup, John came up with the genius idea to take her WubbaNub and clip it to her using the little piece of material at the top that snaps over the zipper. Beautiful, I tell you. No more giving her the pacifier back=no more treks upstairs for me or John in the middle of sleep-times.

But, anyways, I digress...as you can see her little feet aren't exposed. They are inside of the blankety sleeper. Well, the little mastermind has figured out how to maneuver herself around anyways. Who needs exposed feet to do cool tricks? So, now she likes to scoot around to her heart's content. I woke up this morning to her in that same position trying to roll over to her tummy (then, quickly thrusting herself back because she hates her tummy, remember?). She would cry for 2 seconds for me to come get her, but then she would be quiet for 5 seconds as she scooted around her crib for fun. Goober is one of my many nicknames for her. Goober.

Tummy time these days equals even louder screaming, but lots and lots of circles. And, much quicker at rolling back over to the safety of her back. She firmly believes her tummy can't be trusted. Oh, the goober. Although, she doesn't quite understand yet that all of the circling and pumping legs are making her that much closer to crawling. I try to explain to her that she'll be that much closer to world domination. But, she figures she already has John and I wrapped tightly around her fingers, so why take on any more yet? :o) What a goober.

Maybe I should put her in the blanket sleeper, with no available feet, on her tummy and she'll learn how to crawl? Hmmm. Goober child of mine always makes me laugh.

Ella's Greatest Disobedience

I knew the day would come when this would happen. I greatly feared it. I explained to Ella in the hospital that she had only one rule that she could never break.

And, the day came just a few weeks ago where she figured out how to accomplish what will always be the greatest act of disobedience in our house. I snapped a picture to show you all the grave decision Ella has been making quite frequently. With much hesitation, I will show it to you...

I know you are probably as horrified as I am that she has figured out how to pull out her hairbow. Sigh.

Does she fuss or scream or cry like her mother does when she pulls it off to land right over her eyes and keeps it there? Nope, she doesn't. My sweet, precious fussbucket baby cries at most inconveniences, but not when she's pulled her hairbow down over her eyes. Blinding her. But, at the same time, at least she doesn't cry when I put it on her, either.

I am deeply saddened to report this new development to you, but it had to be done. And, it would have been reported sooner, except that I have continually forgotten to take a picture because I usually yank it back on her head as quick as possible, to its rightful, perfect, beautiful place. On her head. Not over her eyes. Or around her neck.

House of Screams

Ella has screamed a lot today. Actually, she's screamed a lot this week. I think a tooth may be on its way, a lot of signs are pointing towards it, but it's hard to tell. I think being the mom of a baby is like being a detective! Never truly knowing what's going on ;)

Today when she woke up less than halfway thru her nap, screaming and then continued to scream for the rest of the afternoon, it all finally caught up with me. Three days, in a house alone, with a screaming baby. And, girlfriend got some lungs. I put her in her swing, in front of the TV with Praise Baby playing. And, stepped away for a minute.

I got all huffy with the Lord.

Seriously, Lord?? A third day of screaming? 


I don't have any help, why do you let her be so fussy for days on end??


I have given all of the love and grace I can give.


Then, I stopped being huffy and puffy. And, the tears started. I picked up Little Miss, held her close, cried and sang along to the Praise Baby DVD thanking the Lord that He has never run out of grace for me.

He HAS given all of the love He can give. Even when I am screaming in His face, over nothing, He has more love and more grace to give to me. And, I pray that despite my own fussiness, that Ella will one day be able to see the true love and grace from the Lord by my love for her.

Ella Update!!

I've realized recently that I have not updated the world on the craziness that is Ella! So, here are some tidbits on our sweet Ella girl!

Ella at 4 months. John's computer has more pictures on it! I will try to update with them soon :o)

--Little Miss is a take charge, independent, and vocal thang! I wish I could say I don't have a clue where she gets it from, but, more times than not, I see myself in her (scary and cool at the same time!). She is what we like to affectionately call a screamer. I, in no way, mean that to sound like a bad thing. But, she just screams a lot, haha. The second night we were in the hospital she screamed all. night. long. Not a few whimpering cries as we heard from our neighboring babies, but full-out cried for hours on end with no ceasing. I remembered sitting there thinking I had never seen a baby like it after all of my years of babysitting and nannying, haha. Because of this, I have the feeling she is going to be a non-stop, loud talker! Once again, I have no clue where she gets that from...

--I must admit that a lot of Ella's screaming has piped down since I cut out all dairy from my diet (can you say hardest thing ever after being nauseous for 9 months??). Her eczema is gone (I wish we would have taken some pictures at it's worst, because it was pretty yucky), she doesn't scream all the way through eating now, she actually wants to eat, and overall just seems much happier. Time will tell if it's a true allergy, but for now, no dairy has worked wonders for our family!

--Ella said her first word a few weeks ago! Drumroll please...it was mama! Now, let's be clear, she says it everyday (usually while crying), but she doesn't have a clue in the world what it means. And, I am sure my incessant, "mamamamama" all up in her face had nothing to do with her learning how to say it

--She HATES tummy time. The fastest way to hear how loud she can scream (once again, I have no clue where she learned volume control...) is to put her on her tummy. It's like she screams to tell us that she knows we are sending her to her doom. So, she gets most of her tummy time right before bedtimes because we can send her straight to bed where she'll snuggle up, calm down, and fall asleep, rather than spend 30 minutes during her waketime trying to reassure her that we won't send her back on her doomful tummy.

--She's officially rolling over from tummy to back! John and I pretty much cheer like freaks when she does it. Maybe that's why she's scared of tummy time? Hmm. Also, we firmly believe she can roll from her back to tummy, but refuses to do so because why would she throw herself in the position she hates?? Seriously, she gets like a half-inch from rolling to her tummy and instantly pulls herself back. She knows, that little booger, she knows. And, if I try to help her in that mid-roll to her tummy, with all of her might, she pulls herself to the opposite direction, keeping herself firmly planted back to the ground. But, really, I have NO idea where she gets her strong-willed nature...

--She officially turned 5 months this past Friday! She's almost a half a year!

--She is slowly growing out of her 3-6 month clothing and is already in some of her 6-9 month stuff! She's a long little girl!

--Her laugh is SO contagious! Once she gets going, it's like she can't stop. Her whole face squishes up and she laughs to the point where then it gets hard for her to breathe, haha. We took her to see Tangled and she loved at all of the funny parts!! John and I were just cracking up, because she even laughed at the funny parts before the crowd started in. Any time there was physical comedy (when the guy gets hit on the head, etc) she was cracking up! I don't know that John and I have ever been more proud of our daughter than when we realized she understands humor :o)

--She loves her some Mickey and Minnie Mouse! If she's screaming past the point of any solace, we turn on the TV to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and she is g-l-u-e-d. As soon as Mickey invites her to his clubhouse, she's trying to dry up the tears.

--Anything she can get her hands on, goes in her mouth. There's two spots in her mouth where I have thought for sure that a tooth would come bustin' out soon. But, nothing so far! But, she loves to chew on any of her toys, her hand, my hand, her pacifier, and even her clothes if she can grab a piece of it, haha.

--I am falling more in love with her every day. One thing I didn't realize as being a new parent is that sometimes it takes a little while for the bond to mature, and that's okay. Don't get me wrong, I loved her from the beginning, but now that she's blossoming into her very own self and not just a screaming bump on a log (I mean, seriously, newborns have always been kinda bump on the log-ish to me), I am loving her beyond what I thought I could. Every day that love for her grows a little more. I just wish I could hold her and squeeze her all the time! I didn't want to put her down for her morning nap today because she was just so yummy (John doesn't understand that term, but whatever). Under all of that strong-willed personality, she is just the sweetest little baby that loves to giggle, smile, and hold on tight for a good hug. We are so glad the Lord gave us her, even on the tough days!!

I think those are enough Ella tidbits for now! I need to do better at keeping up with some of her shenanigan's on here, so I can remember them!