Learning About Contentment

How in the world did Christmas become only 9 days away?! I am sitting on the couch looking at our lovely first Christmas tree. That's right, it's a Charlie Brown Christmas tree! Yup, a few measly branches, a single red bulb ornament, and Linus' light blue blanket covering the base. At first, I was not digging the idea of ANY Christmas tree in our apartment. The reality is that we were out of town for the first few days after Thanksgiving, then a few days after that we were housesitting, and now we'll be heading to my mother's for Christmas week. Therefore, who wants to spend money on a tree, ornaments, decorations to only see it for a day or two? And, let's face it, I've been openly "bah humbug!", so the idea of going through trying to decorate our teeny tiny apartment, just seemed ridiculous...all until my husband mentioned the idea of Charlie Brown's Christmas tree! It was only $10, already had it's decorations, and how cute to have the movie come to life (plus, I get to express my bah humbug-ness in a cute way). And, I justified my negative Nancy attitude with the fact that if the Lord does bless us in the future with some kiddos, it will be so fun to have the Charlie Brown Christmas tree and watch the movie with the tree right next to the television :o)

All of that to say after getting our little Christmas tree, I used a gift card and Christmas'd up our front door. John was so excited to have some Christmas decorations out and that's ultimately why I did it all. The last few days I have had some precious time with my Jesus. And, in those moments, I have prayed that the Lord would really grow and instill in me the attitude of a Godly wife. What does that look like? What does it mean to outdo my husband with honor? How can I create a household in which he will always want to rush home?

One thing that has always stuck out to me from our wedding, was when our pastor, Keith Harmon, gave us both some tips of wisdom. One of those directed towards me was to never rush to defend my husband, but rather to always lift him up in prayer. I am sure that has saved me a lot of frustration already! But, today was one of those days where I spent extended time in prayer over him and over our marriage. I am so honored to get the chance to try and become the wife that he will always be head over heels for...especially when a lot of junky stuff is going on.

And, another thing that has stuck out a lot lately in my personal time with the Lord is the issue of contentment. I have always struggled with the idea that I am never 100% content with just the Lord alone. And, today it hit me, I won't ever be this side of Heaven. I will have moments, like I did today, where nothing else but the Lord matters to me. But, unfortunately, I will never 100% feel that way all of the time here on earth.

Even though I can sit here today and tell you that I am a woman that has experienced a lot of dark trials in my life, including the hardest of losing my first baby, that Jesus is far greater and better than anything I could ever dream of in the universe. If my husband went home to be with the Lord tonight, or if we were never able to have children, or if one of us gets cancer, or if I get pregnant again, bring that baby in the world just to lose the child moments later, or if John loses his job...Jesus is still greater and the love of my life. He would still be worthy of praise in all of those things and He is worthy of praise right now. I cannot explain in words how much I really do love Him. And, because I do love Him that much, I long for the day when my love for Him never gets distracted by anything else.

One day, in Heaven, that love will be fulfilled to it's true potential. There are moments in this latest trial, where Heaven has seemed more desirable just because of my baby and not because of my Jesus. But, the day will come where it's not even possible to put anything above Jesus' rightful place. May it be on earth as it is in Heaven...